My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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