I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
no you cant smoke seaweed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize