What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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