from now on my penis is your penis
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
