While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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