Im at strip club and am horny
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The adults are the big ones right?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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