You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
