She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
