dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
