great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
This baby is an asshole
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
