I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just pee around me
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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