Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
