i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
