Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
