So gin and wine won't be happening again
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
