We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
