I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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