His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Naked Twister starts at high noon
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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