Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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