Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
