dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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