do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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