sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
