woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
