is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
