I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
