i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
