I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
