No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Hippo gnu deer
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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