He felt like a one man threesome
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
