She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
