we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
