I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
