he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
