Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
