her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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