This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
