I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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