Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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