apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
