He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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