Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
