Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
