i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
