wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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