He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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