Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
