Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
