Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
