I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
