Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
