i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
why do cheetos always look like penises
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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