I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
How external is "for external use only"?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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