It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
she peed on how many people?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
