I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
How external is "for external use only"?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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