I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.