called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer