do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
