He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.