I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
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He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
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Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts