this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
