I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
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She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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