We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
