I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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