I hate your face
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize