PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
you never un-have a 4some
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
