The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I need a beard to bite.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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