You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
