I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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