Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
