just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
