Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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