I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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