they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Randomize
