Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
