So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
