I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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