if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
