2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
