My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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