I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
