i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
