Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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