Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
